I never expected this blog to become a journal of sorts for my miscarriage, but here we are. Broken. Overwhelmed. Hurt. Angry. Fear of the unknown. Scared. Unsure. These are all feelings that I have gone through every day since I lost River. It feels like my heart literally broke into tiny pieces and I am stuck searching for the missing pieces. I have no hope of ever putting it back together fully, but I hope over time, I can place them all in the same place. I feel overwhelmed with all of the feelings and I am not used to having all of this chaos in my mind all the time. I have had postpartum depression and anxiety after 3 kids, so overwhelming chaos is normal, but this is different. I am hurt, I feel it's my fault and I did something wrong, so my whole body aches without River. I am angry, angry at myself, angry at God, angry at my midwife, and angry at the ER that I went to and found out about River. I have fear, fear that I may never be able to carry a child to birth again, fe...
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