A Little Bit of Crazy

 I have been thinking over these last few days. We used Etsy for CK's Crafting before and it was easy to set up, but the fees were a bit outrageous. Someone mentioned just selling on Facebook, so that is what we are doing for now. I had the idea of trying Shopify as well, but not sure what the fees are like. If you have used Shopify, how was it? Is it expensive to list things? Just trying to make the best decision for my son.

 As I sit here wondering what work at home jobs are real and which are scams, I hear an 8 year old coughing in the other room (YAY allergies and cold season). I keep wondering if taking the time to look for a job is worth it or not, will I miss out on all the fun my kids are having? Will I regret it in a year? 3 years? 10 years? I also wonder if it's the best option, just to get us a little ahead of the bills and make a savings nest. I am trying to trust God and let him take the wheel, but I admit, I struggle with that at times. We are trying to pay down debt and save some money for after baby #6 gets here, but also I am trying to snuggle these big kids before they decide they are too old to hang out with their mom.  Other than survey sites and games that pay pennies, does anyone have an easy work at home job for a mom that homeschools and likes to hang out with her kids?

 After much thought and prayer, I have decided to start CK's Crafting again! My 11 year old (CK) is so excited! I needed the break from the chaos of keeping everything up to date and struggling with keeping my household together after our tragic loss. I feel that now is a good time to start it up again, because I feel good...mostly. I have more good days than bad days. Although we miss River, this is something that my son really enjoys and its good for him to have a little spending money. We are on Facebook as CK's Crafting. Here is the link: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/Mmiu68KX2TXE6QUs/ Even if you don't want to buy anything, support is everything. Like, share, join!

 I know this isn't my normal, pregnancy/loss post, but this is family related. Why is America so crazy? Why do parents have to have multiple jobs and income streams to be able to survive anymore? My husband works one job full time and is looking for another job (or two), because it is not enough anymore. Inflation has ruined our chance of buying healthy food, because it is cheaper to buy a bag of chips, rather than the supplies for a salad. I work my butt off trying to do surveys and games to bring in a couple dollars to help pay for gas, but it's hard to get a real job while homeschooling 4 kids and pregnant. Just think about us in your prayers please. If you have any jobs that I could possibly do with the chaos in my life, send them my way!

 I lost my sweet River Willow in December 2023 and it killed me inside. I was lost and confused. I was hurt. I couldn't understand why I lost my baby, when I was doing everything right. I asked myself constantly, if it was my fault and why did I allow this to happen. I still struggle with not knowing why I lost River, but I am surviving the grief. Some days it overwhelms me and I am learning that it's okay to grieve River and carry on, although it is a hard road.  I have some good news (a new beginning). I am pregnant again, I am happy, yet I struggle with allowing joy through the grief. I am 20 weeks and I am finally getting my baby girl that I have prayed for after 4 boys and an unknown. The grief from a loss, then a pregnancy has made this difficult. I try to be happy, but I also, feel almost guilty for being happy.  If you have had a rainbow baby, how did you not feel guilty? How did you get through the hard parts of pregnancy and not have insane amounts of anxiety that it

 No one told me how hard it was going to be to plan a vacation during a time when I should still be pregnant, yet I am not. I think of what I would like to eat while pregnant, but then I remind myself, no reason to keep any foods away. It stings deep down, knowing that we don't do vacations on years I give birth, but here I am, planning one because my mental health is so bad. If I don't get away, I fear for how much worse I will be mentally. I keep telling myself that it's okay to be sad and it's also okay to be happy and enjoy myself, but it feels like I am betraying River if I am happy. This is a very confusing time for me. I want to show joy and enjoy every moment, but I am still not there yet.