I know I just came back to blogging, but family sickness took me away for a few days. It's just a cold, but when 4 kids get sick, it takes up A LOT of my time. We used Vitamin C, elderberry, and all the orange juice. I kept these kids hydrated with water and tea with honey. I think we are on the upswing, but my husband may have caught it from the boys. OOPS! Thankfully, I seem to have been saved from the chaos of sickness. I am really enjoying this cool weather, it is making it easier for me to go outside and not get overheated! Here's to FALL!!!
If you had asked me after my papa died, did I still believe God is good, I would have emphatically said YES! He saved my papa from a life that would have been painful and difficult. He had lived his life and it was a good one. He had 6 grandchildren who loved him and 2 children who thought the world of him. He was amazing and had a great life. People have made comments since I lost River. Simple comments that many people don't even realize they are making. "At least River didn't feel pain", "Imagine what it is going to feel like when you get to Heaven and you hear that little voice that yells Mama!!!!", "Just think, River closed their eyes and opened them to the face of Jesus", none of these comments make me feel good inside. They hurt. I question God daily, does He really love me, why would He cause River to die, is He really good? My sweet baby didn't even have a chance to live, to enjoy life. I am numb most of the day, then it hits me hard b...
I lost my sweet River Willow in December 2023 and it killed me inside. I was lost and confused. I was hurt. I couldn't understand why I lost my baby, when I was doing everything right. I asked myself constantly, if it was my fault and why did I allow this to happen. I still struggle with not knowing why I lost River, but I am surviving the grief. Some days it overwhelms me and I am learning that it's okay to grieve River and carry on, although it is a hard road. I have some good news (a new beginning). I am pregnant again, I am happy, yet I struggle with allowing joy through the grief. I am 20 weeks and I am finally getting my baby girl that I have prayed for after 4 boys and an unknown. The grief from a loss, then a pregnancy has made this difficult. I try to be happy, but I also, feel almost guilty for being happy. If you have had a rainbow baby, how did you not feel guilty? How did you get through the hard parts of pregnancy and not have insane amounts of anxiety th...
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