Why God by Austin French

If you had asked me after my papa died, did I still believe God is good, I would have emphatically said YES! He saved my papa from a life that would have been painful and difficult. He had lived his life and it was a good one. He had 6 grandchildren who loved him and 2 children who thought the world of him. He was amazing and had a great life.

People have made comments since I lost River. Simple comments that many people don't even realize they are making. "At least River didn't feel pain", "Imagine what it is going to feel like when you get to Heaven and you hear that little voice that yells Mama!!!!", "Just think, River closed their eyes and opened them to the face of Jesus", none of these comments make me feel good inside. They hurt. I question God daily, does He really love me, why would He cause River to die, is He really good? My sweet baby didn't even have a chance to live, to enjoy life. I am numb most of the day, then it hits me hard because a song or one of my kids says something and the pain and grief hit me again. I can truly say, I don't know where I am right now. This is not a pleasant place to be, it's confusing and I know many people won't understand. I have always been so strong in saying God is good, God is there for you, but I need Him to show me how He is good now. 

I have listened to this song multiple times today, and I just want to scream at God. 

Here are the lyrics to Why God by Austin French:


 Why God do people have to die

A daughter or a son
Sudden and so young
Long before their time
Why God do people fall apart
A promise and a ring
Becomes a broken thing
A road that got too hard

I don’t understand
But I understand

CHORUS
Why God I need you
It’s why God I run to your arms
Over and over again
It's why God I cling to
Your love and hold on for dear life
And I find
You are right
By my side

Why God do we feel so alone
Every single day
Fighting through the pain
Hoping there is hope

I don’t understand
But I understand

CHORUS

Give me a faith stronger than I have
I need to know when it hurts this bad
That you hold my heart when it breaks
And I’m not alone in this pain

CHORUS

Always right by side
Even here in the why God

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